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My coworkers always wonder why I have sticky hands. I tell them I eat a lot of candy, but in reality I take pictures of all the hot girls that go in the store (clothing store) and whack it in the bathroom every couple of hours. I dont like washing my hands. FMP

#64
2 Comments

You are a genius! (8) - You need help! (253)

Nov 10, 2009 08:28 PM - Miscellaneous - by sticky fingers

I'm a broke college kid and I knew a guy who was open about how much he wanted me to do him. I'm straight, and did I mention I was broke? Anyway, he noticed that and offered me money and convinced me that it wouldn't be that gay to do him. So I was doing him from behind and he turned around and kissed me. What a fag. FMP

#99
0 Comments

You are a genius! (19) - You need help! (225)

Nov 19, 2009 10:34 PM - Money - by Jake

Whenever I go to the club, I either make my BMW keychain very visible to all the ladies. If that doesn't work I tell the DJ to make an announcement saying that whoever owns the BMW left the lights on. That way when I get up and get out everyone watches me and knows I own it. It gets me lots of girls!! FMP

#83
1 Comments

You are a genius! (32) - You need help! (198)

Nov 17, 2009 09:27 PM - Miscellaneous - by Clubber

Today I woke up next to my boyfriend. Except it was my dad. FMP.

#69
1 Comments

You are a genius! (10) - You need help! (197)

Nov 12, 2009 01:16 AM - Miscellaneous - by nomorealcohol

I sneezed hard when my girlfriend was giving me head, activating her gag reflex and made her throw up on my suit. I have a date with my wife in 15 minutes. FMP.

#58
0 Comments

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Nov 7, 2009 04:36 PM - Lying - by Polish H.

My ex-wife liked to cradle my balls for about an hour after sex. She was always caring and I loved the way she did it. One day I decided to ask her why she liked cradling my balls so much and she replied "because I miss mine." FMP

#126
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Nov 24, 2009 10:44 PM - Funny Sex Story - by slippery when wet

I needed it really bad so I put up an ad saying I would suck anyone off and they didnt have to do anything in return. I hoped it would lead to something else, but the guy that replied wanted nothing more than a bj. After the third time with him, I got mad because he wouldn't do anything, bit his dick real hard and ran off. FMP

#127
0 Comments

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Nov 25, 2009 08:54 AM - Desperate - by Stan

I like to go clubbing take guys on the dance floor and rub all up on them. I get them drunk and go back to their place. Fuck them if I find them hot, let them pass out, take their wallets and leave. I gotta make my cash somehow. Fmp

#110
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Nov 22, 2009 02:52 AM - Money - by Cummings

Today my boyfriend pissed me off. To get back at him stuck his car keys in my vagina. Now I have to go to the ER because they're stuck in there. FMP.

#92
0 Comments

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Nov 18, 2009 11:57 AM - Miscellaneous - by Amy

My grirlfriend wants Lady Gaga's cock more than mine. FMP

#135
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You are a genius! (10) - You need help! (138)

Dec 1, 2009 12:41 PM - Desperate - by fdsa

Today my boyfriend was eating me out when he said I tasted funny but I told him to stfu and keep going cause it was real good. When he turned the lights on his face was covered in blood. Happy period! FMP.

#74
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Nov 15, 2009 10:50 PM - Funny Sex Story - by Kotex

My girlfriend (hot) brought her friend (super hot) over because she had just broke up to her boyfriend and she wanted to get drunk and have some fun. I owed my friend that lives up stairs a favour so I went up and got him to come down. We all did some estacy and I hooked the two of them up and they started making out. Pay back's a "bitch". He drank 2 bottles of wine and got sick and threw up and went home. I ended up fucking the both of them. The next day we all had clymedia.

#134
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Dec 1, 2009 12:09 PM - Funny Sex Story - by Sarge

I often go to bars by myself, get a drink and as soon as I spot a chick I think I would have a chance with I pretend that I'm crying. If they approach me I give them a sad story about how my grandmother just passed, I just lost my job, or (my favorite) I'm being shipped to Iraq in a few days and I'll miss my family. It works. FMP

#116
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Nov 23, 2009 06:46 PM - Desperate - by Ron

I have five fleshlights, one for every year that I haven't gotten laid.

#63
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You are a genius! (16) - You need help! (129)

Nov 10, 2009 01:13 AM - Desperate - by Noname

Today I went all out to seduce my wife. Chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, music, romantic dinner, bracelet, all in a vacation in the Bahamas. It was going well until I accidentally called out the name Martha when I was doing her. Martha is the name of her mother, who I have slept with once. FMP

#154
0 Comments

You are a genius! (15) - You need help! (128)

Dec 2, 2009 11:10 AM - Couples - by o. rly.

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